So, ladies. Have you had any good chats about your guy lately? Bent your friends’ ears over a bottle of wine for a few hours? Why am I even asking? Of course you have! This is what we do. We talk about our fellas. And we talk and we talk and then we talk some more.
But what is it that we’re talking about? During a few illuminating conversations with friends over the past few weeks, it dawned on me that we’re not discussing that great steak he grilled last night or how he drove back home from work because you locked the keys in the house … again.
Be honest: What was the topic of the last exhaustive discussion that you had about your guy with your girls? A few guesses:
• He hasn’t introduced you to his mother
• He hasn’t said those three magic words
• You can’t get a commitment on moving in together
• It’s been three years, and he hasn’t popped the question yet
• He doesn’t seem to want to have sex anymore even though you keep reminding him that your clock is ticking!
There’s nothing really wrong with these conversations, but are you discussing anything else about him and your relationship? What is it that your girlfriends are taking away from your, er, rantings? Anything good in there at all? I hear crickets …
A close buddy of mine once gave me some stellar advice. He said: Don’t be that girl who bashes your friend’s boyfriend/husband, even if she’s giving you lots of ammunition to do so. You’ll always be remembered as the one who didn’t believe in their relationship, and you’ll never recover from that … you know, like when they’re walking down the aisle, and you’re sitting there wondering why you’re not her maid of honor.
That was certainly wise advice, but are you making it too hard for your friends to do anything other than hate this guy?
If you’re doing nothing but focusing on how he’s not living up to your latest demands, how can your friends ever get on board with the positive traits that keep you with him in the first place? Are there any positive traits in this relationship that you’re spending all these endless words and strategy sessions on? Well, that’s another blog entirely.
I got another piece of great advice from an unlikely source: my former mother-in-law. She said: Don’t talk badly about your husband or wife. It makes you look bad because of the lousy decision you made for your life. (She also said: A hard dick has no conscience, so take care of his needs. I’m still weirded out by that one.) Anyway … think about it. If you’re dissatisfied to the point where all you do is complain about how he’s letting you down. Well, maybe he’s letting you down, and it’s time to get real about your relationship.
Or maybe you could just say something nice every now and then. Give your friends a reason to love him, even if he’s falling short in an area or two. Then, if your girls still can’t appreciate the great guy you have, maybe it’s time to get real about your friendships.